I don't feel like dancing

Wow.. 1st time every clubbing, lol.. SUPER great feeling cannn? haha.. All the girls, dancing, drinking, gathering and waiting, =P

I finally went in ard 11+. We met lik 8.45 at clark quey, n due to unforseen circumstances, or rather mis-communication, ended up rotting outside, standing amoungst the crowd n PERPSIRE lik crazyyy..

So when we got inside, the 1st ting we did was, 'Hey, lets go to the dance floor.'
4 of us, n 3 were noobs. So the only pro there was dancing, n its a SHE somemore la! Then i look at the way she dance n i knew at once she's a frequent. Bt if that was me n am wif 3 other noobs who dont dance, i'l look bloody hell retarded n moodless. So i started to sway wif the music.. Its soooo weird la! Lik, am so not used to it. Then i started to sway, stop, sway and stop again.. Damn, its getting no where.. And all of a sudden, 'STEP UP' came into my mind.. The previews had someting lik, 'believe in urself'. I started to reli dance wif the dance step from the show n previous dancing lessons i had.. Well, i didnt say i was a noob dancer, lol.. 'If u move it lik that..' kept playing in my mind, this is the 1st part of step up.. Then suddenly that girl hook up on me.. I was so nervous nervous! I tried maintainin my composure bt i lost the steps and the next ting i knew, i was moving to my own groove. I danced how i tot i would look gd n watever that came into my mind.. *I became 1 of the few reli dancing there. Yayyy! So proud of myself, lol..

I kept dancing my own groove n suddenly i felt this reli boring feeling.. lik, it isnt that nice.. And when i turned, i saw tat girl dancing.. It reminded me of wat happened juz now! YES.. I went over n asked her if she wanted 2 dance, 'Ok, sure' she replied.. Bt in the end, we didnt, because of the STUPID crowd.. So freaking crowded.. N toking bout crowd.. I happened to dance wif this unknown girl.. I was lik woah.. its my chance.. Bt the freaking grp of guys behind me stood so firm that am squashed la, practically juz sandwiched! Her back was facing me at that point in time n she kept moving back, i had lesser and lesser space to dance. I was 45degress from her back so i couldnt dance wif her, then i juz moved abit, swaying n till she left eventually.. *Sobs.

But the funny part was i saw Joanne Ting, Chiew ying and even serene! omg.. lol..

Right now.. I feet nothin about serene, nothin.. Mayb its bcoz of that time we went out, n on top of that, wat she wrote in her blog. She didnt say anyting negative about it, nothing reli.. Bt its juz 1 of those blogs she didnt hav much to comment upon. And thats bad. *sigh.. Anyway the gd ting is i don't like her anymore.

Aw.. My back hurts, n am so god damn tired la! Can even dose of by resting awhile infront of my com. Stil, we wanted to go Kbox tis morning, MAD! lucky Lionel said he got a sore throat, if not DIE.. Dead!

But damn shiok.. Gona go wif mel or some girls next time, learn from them more adout dancing, weeeeee! =P

Seren-ity

Today's the day... Our 1st outing, no movie, no dinner, nothin planned. All walk and talk.

Had deidre coming in btn our day today.. Damn! She couldnt confirm wif serene until evening, so we sort of plan stuff only after 6. So we did nothin, nothin bt merely walking n moving about from 1 mall, to another, n another n another.. Juz talking.

The guardian wasnt showing anymore, or rather only at selected few theatres, bt they were all so far from us n its turning off. Then we carried on walking n i was thinking hard of wat we could do.. So i juz randomly told her i need a drink. Then i started lookin for places wif drinks, then i saw coffee bean.. But when i asked her, she said dun wan.. then i suggested carrefour, tat kind of shopping amuse her tt's y, n she said no.. then no no no.. So then i reli din knw wat n she then she surprised me by telling me she wans to go esplanade.. After awhile of thinking, i guess it was random for her to do tat too.. We got to esplanade in the end. Ther's reli nothin to do, n i dun understand y.. Then we chance upon tis choco shop n ended up ther..

Bt tis was the best time wif her..

Coz we sat facing each other, i started noticing her looks.. And at times, it reli appeared to me that she's just so attractive. I couldnt keep my eyes off her at times, bt bcoz she was telling me someting, so i took advantage of it.. if not it would b so obvious am startin to hav designs on her. Time juz passed ther n it was so unexpecting.. i mean, the time i spend ther wif her couldnt b bought by anyting.. I'v had so much fun juz by tokin wif her, n i reli mean toking.. Till now i cannot forget that look. Its look so innocent n demure n the atmosphere was so faint that she look juz perfect. My feelings twitched one time and i reli shld hav taken her photo then.. Its such such such a pity, damn..

Also i found out about someting. This guy she's been liking all along.. bt, am nt sure if she's still rooting for him.. tis alone is demoralizing. I asked myself if i reli liked her? Or was it more of wanting her? I thought i could only answer it wif the lather, bt i am missing her more now, n its bothering.. Am affected. If tis is temporary, i shldnt b feeling so bad, or it has always been lik that? I duno.. Bt 1 things for sure, i rely miss her. I wana tel her so much, bt on the other hand i dun wan to scare her.. Its hard to do so, bt i guess i dun hav an alternative.. =(

Subconciously

Yes.. the exams are finally here, rejoice.. 2 more papers n its over.

haha.. Am feeling so glad about it when the 1st paper sucked, whats happening? and i juz did a quiz of the module am going to take later, intially i was quite confident, bt after the quiz.. i realized am going 2 suck badly again. That leaves 1 more paper, my friday paper.. Now i just wan to get it over and done with. Ther's totally no more mood. I cant seem to remember the things i learn n its floating ALL OVER my head. The information's abundant! Am so lost into it.. Damn right am lost.

Its 12.56pm now and my paper starts in 3.30. Wish me luck. Am going to deal wif it, weeee..

A bad day.

It is such a joke that a 3rd yr student can nearly mistaken the dates for the mid semester test..

I really tot so it was the following week until Jt told me to check the sch mail, and so i went.. Crap! it rely is next wk.. And i haven even started my revision of BMD n i even planned to go out tat wed wif Serene.. ALL gone.

For a moment, i was wondering if the wed will b called off, since last wed, val called off the cooking on the very day, n karen told me to juz go cut our hair.. N ironically, it was cancelled by myself. So i postphoned all the dates, n i hope it wun end up horribly..

Back to study.
I was panicking for the 1st time.. I cannot keep up wif my revision bcoz i slacked too much, n my realization of exam next wk. No time to study, no time.. So i stayed up yest night, till bout 3plus studying. Yay! i managed to complete 1 chp, lol.. eh.. bt tis module is GAYness.. Its definitely not my field, i find no interest in it n mayb so, tt's y i feel lik a UNI student, taking up someting so profiled n when i completed the 1st chp, i felt enlightened. So am keeping up the study plan n lowering my goals. Furthurmore, i'v got to attend syl's party later on. Tonight, tml n mon will b study for BMD, n mon will hav an additional PHYSIO.

Some happenings for today..
My maid got sent off tis morning. Tis was the 1st time i ever felt the feeling of being stalked. she's always finding topics n chances just to tok to me, n finally, after that letter incident.. I became afraid. The letter soon got into the hands of my parents and after reading, my mum decided to send her off immediately. She was so scared she didnt slp the whole night yesterday. And my dad faced it calmly.. After reading the letters, he immediately asked me how i felt, picking that right tone, n then i told him i chose to ignore wat ever thats written on it, partly because i din understand the whole sentence, bt i could grasp the meaning of it because of the words used. I slept in my sisters room yesterday, n tt's y i got the motivation to stay up n study till 3am.

The 2nd incident was marg. It has been inside me for along long time.. I cancelled the 'meeting' where am suppose to hav dinner wif her, n get her to pass Judy someting. It was her reply that i could not forget.. Ther was someting i felt in it, its lik she was disappointed, n yet frustrated. But i chose to ignore tis feeling, n i didnt reply.. I was running away i knw..
So i finally got down to settle tis 'debt', i sent her tis msg yest n was waiting to see how she would reply tis morning.. Yes, i again was speechless.. She asked me y i was avoiding her? I didnt knw how 2 reply her. I was not only avoiding her, bt every1 else in fact. Am kinda lost now.. I'l reply her later on..

A night, a thousand tales.

Today serene came to me, asking 'how come i haven been msging her.'

Damn right.. i haven been msging anybody else for the past wks or months. Bt not that i realise, i actually came online that day, 7th' last tues, looking for people to talk too. Initially it was kahmun whom i was hopping to see. We managed afew topics on monday night, though short, but it was enough to make me guilty at the fact i was neglecting her. So there, online i was on tues with not the person i was seeking, BUT another girl whom i hav slightly forgotten, or rather my intentions actually, that i'v forgotten..

I couldnt slp that night.

Our converstaions kept pouring back into my head. Its been such a long long time since i hav a reli 'LOL' conversation wif anyone. I just kept laughing as i teased her, n she was spontanius. That rekindled some flame. Alrit.. Then i was tinking whether to ask her out for a movie, mayb catch 'step up' or someting.. And ther she was, asking me if i had watched the guardian? I told her no.. She said it was interesting! *oooh.. i see a chance.
So i said: 'Eh serene, lets watch the guardian together, i love ashton kutcher..' i meant it, i reli loved him.. As in i love to watch those shows his in.
So she kinda put me down by telling me its a romantic show n she'l feel paiseh.. Then i did abit of wordplay n i managed to get her into watching the show wif me, ME ME ME!
-And so i flew..
After checking her schedule, it was arranged on the 15th of nov, next wed. Damn.. Its lik a wk away n anyting can crop up, even a day juz before e actual is possible. I was feeling really hopeful at that point in time, i wanted to tel her to confirm it, bt it would lik i am desperate n forcing her, WHICH might make her feel unez n tt's not, n nev my intention.. So i ended the confirmation wif her at that, next wed..

Finally i got to my bed, its time to reply all the msges, n ther! i found valerie.. woo, now wat is she up to? n then she gav me a reli wonderful idea; cooking dinner at my place tml? (which is 5th' yest). Now i was reli delighted n as astonished at the events that just occured. My mind was all about next wed more than tml, wat wil happen? wher is it goin to b? wat can i do for our 1st date? Then i settled for orchard. I managed to obtain that little info about her likings for flowers, n thru enuf, i plan to get her 1 on that day, at the point we meet. That will jump start the whole event, n i shal hav it as romantic as i can get it to be, things lik this are always wonderful. All these floated in my mind n it triggered the wild side of my creativity. I want tis night to be memorable. Then it jumped to valerie, bout tml.. wat will b done, n how much joy we will hav cooking our OWN dinner.. I couldnt wait. Then it switched from valerie back to serene.. I remembered chancing upon tis black necklace i saw at collage that day wif karen, it was someting i wanted 2 get for someone special, n i tot of serene. It seemed lik the more i thought about it, the worth buying it felt.. Because it looked lik a sun; its round yet beautiful and just lik a sun flower, and for a beauty lik herself. So the thoughts lingered for alittle while more, n i was aslp.

Family interferance.

2months have passed.

Ever felt home was never lik how it was wif the presence of somebody? Am feeling it now.

This presence n rather an extra of the family, is my indonesian maid. I'v got lots, lots, lots n lots of unsatisfaction that i need to put it down, i cant hold it anymore..

To start things off, 'Morning Calls'. The previous maids hav always been wakin us up on, previous in since i was a child.. They never had a problem, bt tis maid, her calls suck, its always either half an hr later or an hr earlier.. Nev on time. And the way she wakes me up?

2 methods..

1. She pokes her index finger into ur shoulder n calls 'Wake up, wake up', and that finger keeps poking into ur flesh until u wake up, tt totally spoils ur day, n damn right she does knw how 2..

2. She places her index finger onto the back of my palm, n swivels from left to right, and right to left. I woke up bcoz it was too irritating.. It happened today again, n when i woke up, she asked me 'today got sch?' fuk u.. Since the 1st time she woke me up 30mins later, i told her nev to wake me up in the morning again.. n ther she is, 'Today got sch..?'

Not all.. Everyday ther is 3 meals. Breakfast, lunch n dinner.. right.. And everyday during each time, she'l ask me if i wanted the meal or not. that mkes it 3 times a day.. Before she eats, she'l come again to tel me 'eat'.. now its 6times. I dun mind u knw, bt after the 1st few breakfast; 1st, a fish burger wif raw fish fillet, 2nd, a bread that has been toasted so many times it became a rock, and pizza that is still cold.. I gav up.

She always wanted to replace my old maid in my heart, bt that can nev happen.. Not becoz she's new, bt she's trying too hard. She keeps findin opportunities to chat wif me, bt i hate it.. In the sense we cant communicate at all becoz of how she speaks. She bloody hell mix lik 3 languages in a sentence? malay, eng n chi.. To start things off, i dun understand malay.. And i always tried to speak n understand her, always asking her to repeat wat she say lik again? sorry? n the next thing she'l say, i duno or 'wo bu zhi dao'.. Fuk la, u dun understand n how u wan me 2 understand watever ur saying? i gav up again. Now i even ignore things she say. I knw she's asking me, bt i chose to carry on doing wat am doing, like she wasnt ther in the 1st place.
Mum told me to tok to her n not make her feel left out. i cant seriously.. She even invokes into my privacy, lik reading my msg, when i asked her 2 bring my hp to me after i worn my shoe. Another time was coming into the toilet to wash when am brushing my teeth. Its too much. Mayb am particular, bt its someting i hate..

N lastly, she writes me letter.. Now am so damn scared of her.. Lik i duno wat she's thinking.. Too recieve a letter n not understanding her intentions clearly, not 1 bt wif afew, is scary..

It nev will b replaced.