When i was about to give up upon..

You brought it back.

Wat happened in a spec of time? An acute reaction; i was jolted by ur sudden incident of suicide.

It's the 2nd time alrdy and stil i was unconcious of watever occured to u, and yes.. again i needed u to remind me. I was feeling so weak, so bad n so unconcerned when u told me about it.. Its nt true that i'v forgotten about u, bt juz i wasnt physically ther with you.. I truely am worried. I guess amg all my gal friends ther are only 3 of u currently that am really concerned off, huihui, mel n shibby..

It happened so long ago that i was single that i started to develop feelings for friends, tis feeling came unknowingly and its only targeted to lest a few of everybody in my life. I nev cared.. i am selfish, reli selfish.. I am stubborn, i am so lazy and dumb and watever. Yes, so sometimes i wonder wat is reli gd about me..

Life has been normal, studying, gaming, keeping in contact wif my friends, bt wats most deteriorating is at home.. Spent so much of my parents $ tis week, Y! n argue, late nights, un-sensible and am just nt lik myself. Wasting my life out n i even did badly for my exams.. it was suppose 2 b a distinction for all 3, in the end, 1 FAILED, another barely passed and not even 1 distinction at all, at all.. Dont feel bad? ya.. dun. So am goin 2 carry on getting wasted. When will i wake up? i find tis ting reli thru, that my kind of horoscope? i need motivation, tis form of power can b reli reli strong, bt it only comes wif love.. Wher's that love?


Now my current priorities are..

-Do well in my studies.

-Find a girl friend.

-Stop slacking, stop gaming and stop spending.



But..
Wat is the feeling of loving some one?
how do u describe it?
wat does it look lik n wat must i do to see?



Sometimes i wonder if everyting was predestined. Lik god make it tis way; you wun hav any girl friends, ur born stupid and ur spoiled, n that is someting difficult to get through. Then u did ur studies n u overcame love, learnt to lead life normally, and u did prayers so it seems lik these problems un-ther anymore. Bt wat is reality? Ur stil the SAME, stupid, alone n spoiled! So watever u do, it doesnt matter coz tings wun change.. So we wait, n tt's wat destiny sounds lik, wat u'l become in the end. CAUSE hardwork doesnt pay sometimes..



'Being alone in tis world, i care for those i see.
How else will it go when am sad, alone and in need?
Times just passed, and i laid myself open.
Open to those, infest my hearts' wounds will be suppressed.
Alone my feelings shall falter, a window closed state.
The only thing left,
my care and concern for them will never fade.'