Fallen so deep, i see, no feel

Woopsie.. feels funny being here again.

much has happened, day by day, part n parcels of life.. Still i see, no determination to study and all i'v done which is to study twice tis week. Current goals are Driving, Exams, Games, Friends and family. I guess i am sick? when everything must be done properly, evenly, nicely and perfectly, u can call that perfection and yes.. i think that word suits me, but before wat i am, laziness is the most influential. It rules n control.. Now i am stuck in it, am tryin really hard 2 get out. Even skipped my gym today, and its my usual schedule since 2months ago.. Crap has gotten into me and i feel very much wasted. They say love motivates ppl like me, ther is no love.. No love to push, no force to push me to study. I knw jolly well my exams r next week, i knw i'v got my fyp.. Bt there is no sense of urgency, nothing. Am going to get all depressed, saddened, demoralized n everyting when my results come, bt am nt doing anyting.. No motivation, wasted..

Lost some money in my world cup pleasure n it aint no pleasure now that am indepted to more ppl. This sucks, n am goin 2 stop when i've cleared everyting.. tt's wat i tell myself now, as for the future, i'l bet the most 10 on sgpools, no more.

Actually i managed to stop my games recently, am impressed.. how? my labby cldnt do reformatting n i was so pissed off i packed it away into its bag. Then i stop comin online for awhile, till today.. Saw tangxin changed her nick to 'joel... i will treasure you.' and i was so, so happy n wats tt called? delighted or mayb loved.. yes.. love would sound perfect.. But tis love for a friend, its a feeling of importance and it made me feel am being thought of. That am needed and that am different! y me out of all her other friends? yes.. its a marvelous feeling.. bt if xiaohui was reading tis, i wan her to knw that she is lik me to my friend; 'i treasure her..'

*Pray to change. I cant manage depression, reli..