contemplation

Ther was tis long pause as i tot of e efforts i put into that maths paper.

Failure it shows. 'U r a failure nt only in studies, in motivating urself, u r therfore, a loser..' I put aside al e unwanted n it keeps comin, smacking right into my face. Slowly i tink again about genius bein genius, ther's no point in trying harder bcoz life's juz lik tt.. no matter how well u do, someone's always better then u, n so, y dun u giv up.. forfeit the game before some1 puts ur name to shame. tt's when i tel myself if i giv up, everyting's goin 2 b worse.. Bt tt's e point! when i decide to giv myself 1 more chance, tings wil start happenin n stop me from my goal, n i feel so low when tings aint right, n i lose my motivation.

tis account is half written before my exams, n now am finishing it up.

Nt ashamed of wat i did, rather i need to giv myself more time to change.
I finally came down to studying. I wanted to do tis alone n tis is a task i giv myself, nt to let the others look down on me. i knw am stupid, slow n furthurmore, tis course is totally nt to my likin, bt i hav no choice, RESULTS r wats written n my future n status r based on it. i've no choice bt to go thru tis torment..

Of all the hard work i put through for maths, its all gone down to waste.. A complete waste! i studied 2 weeks for it, went to see Mrs Quek 4 times.. did my revision n tutorial.. my aim was to get at least 70% so i'l push the pass failing paper up, bt i'l rather choose to pass the paper now.. barely ther, nt even at the 60% mark.. am wasted. how? y? wat can i do? there's nothin else bt wait.

I did it, "study to hell'06".

Reenacted, resurfaced

'So he tot a thousand times, and non of them lines he remembered.'

At the point near death, wher hopes were lost, e soul relinquishes..
The bond btn it n e body by sewed threads of life, begins to untwine.
Turmoil n flashes of painful events collected in his head,
bt during tis process, the mind stil tries to salvage.
It did only told him 1 thing, breath slowly.. Ultimately, the devil took charge.
He recounted having a life, tt lifeforce was e only spirit saving him, surfacing him.
bliss he felt after waking up, yet sober. It wasnt a nightmare, it was real.

So wat made tis change?
At the thought of such circumstances, ther stood beside him was his parents. E love. undying efforts to treat e boy, n e boy was even taken to a clinic early mornin six past seven. Ther was a sense of warmth when he was put to bed n he swore e pain of a lifetime died away.
In his lifetime he made parents sick of him, they bread him as to wat they ought to do, n regretted tt 1st incident.
He was a sick child u knw? A failure, a devil, just someone so useless to an extend he doesnt tink of to earning anyting, juz spend n understand the pleasures of life. Yet tis love, his parents love stil lingers here, they forgave him for everyting he did, n blessed him for he being their child.

That LUCKY child is me.

Then i saw the love of my parents again, n how i actually faced tis treatment of pain n agony, n that i nev wan 2 feel it again. To show my appreciation for their love, i'l work hard from today onwards. My resolve, n my reason i wrote tis blog, dun forgot 01'06.'

On e verge

i woke up in this place tonight,
fright instilled, uptight i feel,
my stomach clenched tightly, wonder y,
i cld bt only focus momentarily.
now evryting doesnt seem right..
i Heard those voices, 'stop!' i commanded, wat is it that their haunting me of my thoughts?
every now n then my mind seems asif sailing, sailing in a storm.
e stomach clenched, now my saliver's starting to build up in my mouth,
i falter towards the loo n drooped low,
i cant keep, 'out roar', poured out i vomitted as it clenched tighter,
tightly, my stomach it is, it wldnt let it sink.
i felt pain. nev hurt tis bad i had, i felt lik giving up,
my life has drawn close to ending, my pain n misery.
*closed.. my eyes, consealed.
A sudden place of tranquil it is,
no more pain felt, i heard no voice.